Jobless, Mr. Jobless

As this year jumps off, I am starting 2009 without a job. I had followed the market thanks to the Today show and CNN, and was beginning to worry anyway, and then the worst happened, I lost my job, after being there for almost four years, and worked through a horrible thanksgiving and christmas season, they decided to start out the year firing people, I can't describe how helpless one feels without a job, a sense of income is gone along with the comfort of knowing you can pay your bills, and buy groceries, and overall just being productive. This company had been a bundle of stress in the end, because they were firing people and/or making them feel so worthless they would walk out and never come back again. And even though I am making a job out of finding a job, it is still difficult, I am using my fuel to run from one place to another and still not feeling optimistic about the future, and for these people to just write me off and dismiss me has really shown me how dispensable I was to begin with, and that they never really cared about me. I still worked to help them when there was only me and one other person for the whole area, and most of the nurses didn't even attempt to help, it was still, "I am up here and you are down there, just get it done so I don't have to deal with it". And continued to work even when they were lining their pockets, by sending home help and giving us the fourth person's work to do, and still most of the nurses set on their perch and gave orders and expected us to do their treatments for them, and informing us that they were in charge, it wasn't their responsibility to answer lights, get ice water, etc. And being talked down to on almost a regular basis, but they still demanded perfection, not understanding the concept that you can't get perfection if you are purposely creating a hostile environment, and no one should have to work like that. Even when the worst happened, there was a sense of fear, dread, but there was also relief, because it meant, I didn't have to take any of the fourth person's work, no nurses being rude and taking their position of power too far, or them leaving their treatments out for me to do, or their overall indifference to any and everything not related to them. Or the many mornings I walked out of there, broken, because of the persons in charge or the ones who thought they were. Now I can only hope that I can find another job. Misery ended, but another form has begun, but I will not give up, it is not the kind of person I am.